I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
