Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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