God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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