a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need to calm my uterus...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
