Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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