dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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