the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
