Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So gin and wine won't be happening again
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
