you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
