I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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