Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
