Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
