if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
