it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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