We won't sleep together?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
