fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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