i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
