according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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