i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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