life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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