Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
