so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
