i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
