just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
