im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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