Christians are straight up FREAKS
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
