I love black thongs
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
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They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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