If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
