dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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