I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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