Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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