I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
