He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
