Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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