Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
