Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
