Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
