a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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