What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
