I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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