I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
