if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
