Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Its about making memories worth repressing
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
