please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
