We named our party play list daddy issues
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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