Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
