He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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