I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
