Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
