If i come over, it means nothing
i was born a porn star she said
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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