I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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