Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
