After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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