Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My feet surprised me
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