I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
