thus making me awesome and them whores
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
