i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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