it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
