GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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