I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
