Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
