I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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