Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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