i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
