Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No...this little piggys going to the bar
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
