I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
