i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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