so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
