i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
