if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He felt like a one man threesome
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
