sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
