she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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