never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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