Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
