My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How does one acquire holy water?