Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.