i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize