So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
