aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
