It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize