she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
