Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
