Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
