I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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