I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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