do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
