if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sext me about skeletons
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
