What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
