Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
