It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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