I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
