I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think I am morally bankrupt
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
