I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
